


Come a Little Bit Closer

by Laurap1680



Category: Smosh
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Crack, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:35:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24171415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurap1680/pseuds/Laurap1680
Summary: The words contained herein are the incoherent ramblings of a furloughed hospital worker.  Read at your own risk.  There is not nearly enough fanfiction in this community, so I figured, "what would a couple extra crack fics hurt?"
Relationships: Damien Haas/Shayne Topp
Comments: 12
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

Come closer, now, and let me tell you a story. It is about a boy, nay, a man, who lives in the sunny town of Los Angeles, CA. This man is a member of the internet sketch comedy group Smosh. You might ask about his comedic ability, and I might shrug and say “try not to laugh.” This story is also about another man who is also a member of the internet sketch comedy group Smosh. You might ask about this man’s comedic ability, and I might shrug and say “try to laugh.” Now, usually, characters in a story have names. I will tell you their names, but first, you must promise to never breathe a word of this story to anyone in any place at any time. The first man’s name is Damien Haas, a nice guy with a good sense of humor, an excellent gamer, and easy on the eyes. Damien is a popular internet icon with millions of fans. The second man’s name is Shayne Topp.

So, this story starts in a six-bedroom beach house on an unspecified beach on America’s East coast. This beach house is large enough to hold a dozen or so of Smosh’s cast and crew members. In an attempt to save time and creative effort, I will choose a real-life event on which to piggyback for an explanation of why they are at the beach house: Smosh Summer Games. Imagine, if you will, that this house is newly built, with a high ceiling in the living room, hot tub and pool, and an outdoor bar. Because the guests outnumber the bedrooms at this house, and because it is convenient to the plot, the members of Smosh must find a roommate with whom they will share a room. To make it even more convenient, best friends Shayne Topp and Damien Haas choose to room together. 

We begin this story with several Smosh members, including but not limited to, Courtney Miller, Shayne Topp, Damien Haas, Ian Hecox, Matthew Raubert, Sarah Whittle, and Judge Betty relaxing in the hot tub in the evening. Again, for convenience, suppose all characters are drinking heavily, except Damien, because he doesn’t drink. Since nobody really cares about the other characters or where they are sitting in the hot tub, I will only describe the way Shayne and Damien are sitting: Shayne on the right, Damien to his left, and less than an inch of space between their bodies. Let us also, conveniently, imagine the hot tub is relatively small, and with so many people in it, everyone must crowd together, but none more so than Shaymien. Despite their closeness, and let me be frank, no sex shall be had this evening. And the sex, the inevitable sex for which we are all here, will be described in an un-fanfiction-like way, hopefully. So, back to the hot tub. Everyone’s having a good time laughing with one another. The atmosphere is jovial in nature. My apologies, but the jovial nature of this fic is going to disappear in the next few lines, ye be warned. 

Due to the complexity of writing dialogue, and to preserve my reputation, the following insults spewed by a character, I’ll pick Matt Raub, are vile and malicious, and are not things this character would normally say. These vile, malicious insults are in regards to the perceived sexualities of Shayne and Damien, but are meant to be jokes, as proclaimed by Matt. However, they are interpreted as mockery, and Shayne senses Damien becoming perturbed. This, in turn, perturbs Shayne who deflects the insults in his own malicious way: pointing out some shit about people that they don’t want pointed out, like their weight for example. Leaving the hot tub in frustration, Matt mumbles a final slur, further aggravating Shayne. In a fit of rage, Shayne stalks up behind Matt, forces him to turn to face him, and lands a right hook to Matt’s jaw. Matt, knocked back by the blow, tries to stop Shayne, but ends up elbowing Shayne’s brow. Shayne redoubles his efforts to retaliate, but is held back by someone, maybe Lasercorn, we haven’t seen him yet. Switching the point of view, Shayne’s ears are ringing and everyone’s shouting is muffled. He eventually turns to leave, but not before putting his fist through a glass tabletop. This is a purposeful line because I needed him to get injured somehow, for the plot, you know. The glass shatters and lacerates his right hand in multiple places. Shayne yells, “FUCK!” before retreating to the beach house while everyone watches. Damien, awe-struck, asks Matt what he said to make Shayne so mad. Matt tells him what he said, but I will not put such a hurtful comment out into the universe. Considering the insults were about sexuality, I think you will come up with something better on your own. Damien just shakes his head at Matt before turning to leave, following the drops of blood to the house. 

Damien returns to their room to find Shayne standing at the bathroom sink, hands splayed on the counter, and watching blood drip from his forehead.   
“He was joking, you know.” Damien said to Shayne’s back. Shayne did not reply, but stayed where he was. In the mirror, Damien could see Shayne’s angry face and bloodied hand, and felt a need to help him. Reaching for Shayne’s injured hand, he tries to-  
“DON’T TOUCH ME!!” Shayne yells and pulls his hand away from Damien. “I’m not gay.” He whispers.   
“I…never said you were?” Damien is now as confused as I am. Also, I am bitter about being interrupted. Surely Shayne does not think helping with an injury could be perceived as a romantic gesture, and furthermore, that Damien was trying to start something while Shayne’s hand is covered in blood. Surely Shayne is not that dull. “You need to do something with that hand, Shayne. It’s getting all over the floor.” Shayne hesitates, but eventually sits on the closed toilet lid, offering his injured hand to Damien. Skip to Damien putting the finishing touches on Shayne’s clean, bandaged hand. “There. How’s that?”  
“Fine.” Shayne shrugs dismissively.   
“What happened, Shayne?” Damien presses. Shayne shakes his head, avoiding eye contact. Damien leaves the bathroom to get ready for bed while Shayne walks slowly to the bed, head bowed in shame. Yes, there is only one bed; this is not a blockbuster movie, I can and will use tropes. Both boys sit on the bed, side by side. Damien tries to make Shayne face him by putting a hand on his cheek and repositioning Shayne’s head. Shayne scowls but does not turn away. “What happened, Baby Bird?”  
“I can’t talk about it.” Shayne responds, pointedly ignoring Damien’s term of endearment.   
“But you can talk about it. Shayne, you are my Best Friend. What are best friends for if not for talking to?” Damien does not break his gaze on Shayne’s eyes. “I would hope you’d do the same for me.”  
“Of course, I would!” Shayne breaks at the implication. “You can tell me anything.”  
“Then why can’t you tell me anything?” Damien continues to stare, hoping for a more involved response. Shayne looks at his hands in his lap. “All I want to do is help.”  
“Why? Why would anyone want to help me? Look at me, Man! I’m a mess. I just assaulted our boss in front of all our coworkers! And, there’s something I think about…it’s wrong! It’s wrong to feel the way I feel!” Shayne gestures wildly with his hands as he speaks.   
“What do you feel that you think is wrong?” Damien asks like a therapist trying to get a patient to see how illogical their thoughts are.  
“I can’t tell you. You’d hate me, and I’d rather keep being your friend.” Shayne admits.  
“Shayne, there is absolutely nothing you could say or do to make me hate you.” Damien assures. “Honestly, even if you murdered someone, I’d still visit you in prison. I could never hate you.”   
“Maybe you won’t hate me, but you’ll be uncomfortable being around me.”   
“I’m always uncomfortable. They only make pants to fit one type of physique. Not to mention my sinus problems.” Now I’m just pulling shit out my ass, by the way. So far, every statement has been true, but I do not know the status of Damien’s sinus health.  
“Damien, I can’t. I can’t tell you, and I can’t face it myself.” Tears begin to gather at the corners of Shayne’s eyes. “There’s something that…a part of me that I’m not ready to face.”  
“That’s fine, Shayne. Take your time. Just don’t push it away.” Damien rubs Shayne’s back. “But maybe this is the opportunity to face that part of you; to not be afraid of it anymore. And maybe you’re only afraid of it because you were told to be. You can feel how you feel Shayne, and you don’t need permission from anyone to feel how you do. I think the only one here that’s uncomfortable with your feelings is you.”   
“I’m not gay.” Shayne whispers again.   
“I know you aren’t. And that’s not really what I meant, but you bring up a good point. Love who you love without a label. You’ve had girlfriends, you find women attractive, but maybe there’s a boy, one specific boy, that you find attractive. That doesn’t make you gay, Shayne. It makes you human.” As Damien speaks, hot tears track down Shayne’s cheeks. “But even if you were exclusively attracted to men, that still wouldn’t be a problem, unless you keep telling yourself it is.” This has been a PSA by the president of this fandom.  
“I have no problem with that, with those people. This is a deep-seated struggle that I need to deal with myself.” Shayne says.  
“I understand that. But would it help you come to terms with it faster if that boy you may, or may not love, loves you, too?” Oh, shit! Does Damien like Shayne, too? Yes. I thought it would be obvious at this point. 

Sleep. Crying and then sleep. No more conversation, it just ends right there, they don’t even say good night. In the morning, I could make them wake up spooning, but that’s a little too convenient, too fast. So, they are not spooning. They are just laying on opposite sides of the bed. As he wakes up, Shayne realizes he might be in a whole fuck-ton of trouble, considering he punched his boss in the face. They get dressed in silence; imagine them wearing what you will, I shan’t take the time to describe their wardrobe. Shayne and Damien walk out to the beach house’s living room, and further to the kitchen where a few people are eating breakfast. The chatter and clatter of breakfast stops immediately after Shayne steps into the kitchen. You know, like a record scratch in a movie, kind of. The wall of threatening silence halts Damien and Shayne at the entrance to the room. Several pairs of eyes stare into Shayne’s soul. Noticeably, no pair belongs to Matt Raub. The stalemate is resolved, however, when Matt, conveniently, walks in with a neutral expression.   
“YOU’RE FIRED!” Matt yells at Shayne. No, I jest.   
“Hey, guys.” Matt speaks, hesitantly. “Shayne, man, I’m sorry about last night. I said some really shitty things. Call it a truce?” Matt extends his hand.  
“Ok.” Shayne is also hesitant as he shakes Matt’s hand. “I’m sorry for hitting you.”  
“And destroying property that we’ll have to pay for?” Matt inquires with a hint of humor in his voice. Shayne chuckles lightly. It’s funny now, just go with it.  
“Yeah. I’m sorry for hitting you and destroying property.” Shayne acquiesces.   
“You sure did a number on your hand, though. You’re lucky you didn’t need stitches.” Matt observed.  
“Actually, he probably should have gone in anyways.” Damien interjects. “It was hard to stop the bleeding.”  
“JUST RUB SOME DIRT IN IT.” Yells Lasercorn, probably. I don’t know, maybe he says random, dumb shit like that. Breakfast resumes with normal conversation. Because they are sitting next to each other at the table, because why not? Damien leans over to speak softly in Shayne’s ear.  
“You’re lucky. He could have fired you. Or worse, pressed charges.” Damien raises his eyebrows. Shayne shrugs. You make a good point, Damien. I guess I never thought to throw that particular wrench into this. I know prison porn is a thing these days, but I think that’s a different story.  
“I thought it wouldn’t change how you think of me if I go to jail.” Shayne prompts sarcastically. Damien makes a “really” face and goes back to eating. 

And they all live happily ever after.


	2. The Beach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here you go!

This beach is really nice. It has clean, sand-colored sand, a volleyball net, a fire pit, and a bunch of chaise lounges. Closer to the house, there is a structure with a canopy to provide shade in the otherwise bright area. And, because “the sun is a deadly laser,” Damien and Courtney are lounging in the shade, watching the others, including Shayne, play an informal game of volleyball.

“So, what happened last night? I didn’t really hear what Matt said.” Courtney asks as she lifts her sunglasses and turns to look at Damien.

“I’m not entirely sure, but I guess Shayne was feeling attacked or something. I think it brought up some old shit from his family or something. Then he lost it, I guess. I have never, ever seen Shayne that angry, let alone punch someone.” Damien explains to Courtney.

“Yeah, he seems like he wouldn’t hurt a fly most of the time.” Courtney agrees. “How did you get him to calm down? He seems ok now.”

“I talked to him. At first, he didn’t want to, but eventually I got him to open up. I think he’s afraid of whatever consequences would come from having a relationship with me. Like, he might not find work and he’d be shunned by some of his family. I mean, I get it, but what makes you happier, you know? Working or having a relationship? For me, it’s an easy choice, but, somehow, it must be hard for him.” Damien says before sipping his virgin strawberry daiquiri.

“Maybe he thinks he can’t have what he wants? So, he’s settling for the next best thing? I mean, neither of you are very open about your sexualities. Maybe he doesn’t realize you’re available for him.” Courtney offers.

“Probably. Last night I kinda told him that the boy he likes probably likes him, too. Maybe I need to be more direct? What am I supposed to say? What if I’m reading this wrong and he doesn’t actually want to be with me? How can I…test the waters?” Damien says, frustrated.

“Offer to suck his dick and see what he says?” Ah, yes, it begins! Thank you, Courtney. She chuckles at Damien’s shock and disapproval.

“Courtney! No! We haven’t even kissed, except that one time.” Damien reminisces.

“What one time?” Yeah, what one time?

“The time we were at a party and he was trashed. He came up to me like ‘hey, loser, wanna dance?’ and I said no so he sat on the couch with me and tried to hit on me. Eventually he leaned over to kiss me so I just went with it. Take what I can get, you know?” Now Damien chuckles at Courtney’s shocked expression.

“With tongue?” Courtney’s eyes widened further as Damien nodded. “Why didn’t I know about this?”

“He doesn’t even know about it. I didn’t want him to find out and get uncomfortable.” Damien explains. He looks up to see, of course, Shayne running over to the shelter. This is self-indulgent but I think you will appreciate it, too. Shayne pulls his sweaty shirt over his head and tosses it on the chair between Damien’s feet, leaving him in nothing but his birthday suit. Wait, let me try that again… He takes his shirt off and throws it on the lounge chair, leaving him in nothing but his _bathing suit_. Damn autocorrect!

“You guys wanna play?” Asks an out of breath Shayne. Both Damien and Courtney shake their heads. “Ok, it’s pretty fun. You’re gonna miss out.”

“No, it’s too hot.” Observes Courtney. “You should put some sunscreen on before you go out there.”

“Ok, Mom.” Shayne scoffs. He rummages through the beach bag by Damien’s chair, not finding the sunscreen, but managing to discombobulate everything else. “You didn’t bring any?”

“Who said it was my job to bring sunscreen?” Damien shoots back as he reaches into the bag, pulling out the sunscreen and handing it to Shayne with a victorious look. Ok, hold up, this is continuing to be self-indulgent, romance novel-esque depictions of a very attractive man. I thought I wouldn’t fall into that, but here we are. Bear with me. Shayne grabs the bottle and rubs it on his _beefy_ chest and arms before moving to his _muscular_ le- Ok, no, I can’t. Shayne puts sunscreen on the front of his body (it rubs the lotion on its skin), struggling to reach his back. You know where this is going. He sits on the foot rest of Damien’s lounger, back facing him. Damien huffs halfheartedly as he squirts some out, wait... Damien huffs halfheartedly as he _dispenses_ some sunscreen into his hand to distribute evenly over the skin of Shayne’s muscular back. I am going to leave muscular here because he, objectively, is shredded.

“There. Now get out of here. We’re trying to gossip about you.” Damien pushes Shayne’s shoulder and Shayne leaves to rejoin the volleyball game. Damien turns back to Courtney to continue their conversation, but is met with a judgey, smirking expression. Damien shrugged in defeat. “He needed it on his back, he can’t reach his back, so I did it for him. I would do it for anyone that asked.”

“Ok…” Courtney drawled with an even judgier face. Damien rolls his eyes.

“You’re the one that told me to blow him! How is this any worse?”

“A blowjob isn’t necessarily intimate. _That_ , was intimate.” Is it, though?

“How? How can it be intimate for me to put lotion on his back, but not intimate for a mom to do it to her child?” Damien counters.

“The context is different.” Courtney shrugs dismissively. Damien shakes his head and once again rolls his eyes, effectively giving up the argument. Not because he agrees, but because it was no use arguing. He goes back to watching the ongoing volleyball game.

Shayne Topp refuses to change: he just cannot think thoughts that he does not want to think. That’s probably in a Dr. Seuss book. Damien is exasperated by Shayne’s stubbornness, naturally. So, they wind up sitting on the edge of their one bed, side by side as before. Shayne is visibly disgruntled, as someone made yet another gay joke today. It wasn’t directed at Shayne specifically, but it was certainly implied. It’s only funny the first time, guys. Luckily, Shayne did not violently cope with his frustrations this time. Instead, he internalized it where it festered. Damien feels this is his moment to blatantly make his feelings known. He does so in the most indirect way.

“You didn’t deserve that. I know they don’t mean it, but they’re really walking on thin ice here.” Damien tries to console Shayne. “I want you to know that whatever your thoughts are, or your feelings, it’s ok. You should know I’m not deterred by anything you confess to me.”

“I know you think that now, but you won’t feel the same way about it after I tell you.” Shayne replies ashamedly.

“That’s not true. Whatever you have to say, I am perfectly fine with. You can tell me, Shayne. Like I said, I am your Best Friend.” Just want to point out that Damien ended a sentence with a preposition. Naughty.

“I’m in love with…another boy.” Shayne admits. “But I know he’s not in love with me because he’s straight. 100% straight. That’s why he can never find out.”

“How do you know that? Maybe he’s just mostly straight, like you.”

“Is that a confession?” Shayne inquires. I’ll give you a hint, yes.

“I believe it is.” Damien turns bashful. “Shayne, I want to have a…relationship with you.” Why you hesitating now?

“Is friendship not a relationship?”

“Not…like that. I mean I want an…all-encompassing relationship with you.” Damien emphasizes his point by putting his hand on Shayne’s leg. Shayne tenses for a moment, but eventually relaxes. Hmm.

“All-encompassing? As in every type of relationship?”

“No. I want to spend all of my life with you, and only you. I want you to be my _person_ , my home. I love you, Shayne.”

“I…love you too, Damien.” Shayne bashfully looks away. “I’m just not sure if I’m ready to face that piece of me, yet.”

“That’s ok. I will wait for you. I am so happy having you as my best friend, Shayne. Anything else is just icing on the cake.”

“But what if I’m never ready?”

“I’ll deal with that as it happens.” Damien assures Shayne. “

So, when you say ‘all-encompassing,’ does that include…physical…interactions?” Shayne coyly looks at Damien. After a moment of staring, Damien swallows the lump in his throat.

“Shayne, I’m not sure what you’re comfortable hearing right now, but I would eventually want that.”

“I’m sorry, Damien, really sorry, but I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to give you that.” Shayne looks away. “I just don’t think I can lay down and…take it.” That’s understandable.

“Oh. Wait, is it that you don’t want physical intimacy at all or just that you don’t want to bottom for me?” Lol Damien said bottom.

“I do want physical intimacy with you, I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to get fuc…” Shayne’s face scrunches in disgust with himself. “I know it’s stupid and selfish, but I can’t even make myself think about it.”

“All right, let me clear one thing up really quick. I will take whatever you will give me, but if you’re hesitant on the sex because you’re worried about having to bottom, rest assured that I will bottom for you with pleasure and enthusiasm. It would not take away from my experience at all.”

“So, you’d let me do…that to you?”

“Yes, Shayne. I want you to do that to me. I want that as much as I want everything else.”

“But you’re taller than me.” Shayne, that is the most idiotic thing you have ever said.

“Shayne, that is the most idiotic thing you have ever said. In what universe can a person not fuck someone else due to a height difference? Which isn’t even that much. It definitely says it somewhere online how tall we both are, but it’s way too much work to look up menial details like that. Who, or what, made you believe such a dumb idea?” Damien, exasperated, squeezes Shayne’s forearm. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did I really just go two scenes forgetting about the very serious injury Shayne sustained the night prior? Yes. Yes, I did. Anyway…

“I don’t know. Church, maybe?” Shayne wracks his brain for the origin of his ignorance.

“I’m very ill-prepared right now, but can I please eventually prove to you how false that ideology is?” How’s this for plot? Plot? Where’d you go, Plot???? Shit, I can’t find Plot. Maybe he got lost in the second scene. Poor Plot. He was so young **sobs in frustration**. Should we just do the sex now? We’ll look for Plot later. This is just…a shit show, and I am so sorry. **Frustrated sobbing intensifies**

Considering we lost Plot in the third scene, I will allow one, but only one, sexy time in this chapter. It is the transition to find Plot again, like the bridge in a song that reconnects the last verse to the chorus for the outro. Let’s go back to the beach at night, with all trip participants sitting around a large bonfire. They are about 200 feet from the water, so they can hear each other relatively well. If you want, I will pause here and wait for you to find “Ocean Waves On Tropical Island (Maldives) Ambience Sound, Paradise Beach Sounds For Relaxation” by Relaxing Soundzzz on YouTube. Play that and immerse yourself in the beauty of ocean waves at night. Have you ever seen a romance comedy where they make the characters play a sport, like throwing a football around on a beach, until the two protagonists lose track of the game and just start roughhousing or tackling each other in the sand? The moon is shining bright out over the water and you just see their silhouettes? Think about that. And when the rest of the group “playing football” get fed up with Damien and Shayne’s shenanigans, they head back over to sit around the fire, leaving Shaymien to goof around on their own. The shouting and laughing from the two create background noise for those chatting by the bonfire.

“What are they doing?” Asks Courtney Miller, looking at the ruckus.

“Foreplay?” Says Lasercorn. This prompts laughter from the whole group.

“Eh, boys’ll be boys.” Matt reminisces. They turn back to watch the fire and break off into individual conversations. This is the point in the romcom where the protagonists are falling in love but they still don’t know they can be together yet. “Falling in love” here means literally falling on the ground facing each other. It is also the time the laughing ceases, and their wide smiles fade a bit, turning into soft smirks. They both lay on their sides, staring deeply into the other’s eyes as they shine with the bright light of a full moon. You know, like a cliché. They’re about a foot apart on the ground, but Shayne has his fingers resting on Damien’s hip; Damien with a firm hand on Shayne’s forearm. Is your heart rate picking up? Because mine is, and so are theirs. Their first kiss is a soft brush of closed lips; hardly a kiss at all. Damien backs away a bit stunned, so Shayne takes the opportunity to press Damien’s hip, rolling him to lay supine in the sand. While the foam football lay forgotten on the sand, Shayne pushes himself up over Damien, laying prone on top of him, with a leg between Damien’s. The only parts of them actually touching are Damien’s left hand gripping Shayne’s right forearm, and their upper thighs; Shayne’s left, Damien’s right. Otherwise, Shayne suspends himself above Damien, taking a second to stare at him. Damien has yet to push Shayne off of himself, so Shayne takes that as permission to plant one on him. With tongue this time. You know that feeling when you notice a distinct lack of noise from the basement while babysitting, and you just know something is wrong? It’s too quiet? There’s probably sharpie on the walls? That feeling is what prompts someone, maybe Ian Hecox, the Smoshfather, to turn from the bonfire and investigate the new silence further down the beach.

“Oh, shit!” Ian says in that way Ian says things, you know, like an Ian? Like, sometimes I can’t always hear the characters speaking, but this one I have down.

“Are they making out?” Boze asks in her way of asking things. She’s here now, just go with it. Their exclamations cause the others to follow their gazes to discover two boys making out in the sand. At least, that is what they assume is happening, as they really can only see Shayne’s bare back in the moonlight. Upon gathering their whereabouts and comprehending the view, the group around the fire begins cheering; sending wolf whistles and catcalls across the beach to Shayne and Damien. Without pulling back from Damien, Shayne offers a rude gesture toward their audience.

“Rude!” Boze is miffed by the action. Eventually, the bonfire participants get tired and retreat to the house to sleep, leaving Shayne and Damien alone on the beach.

Instead of going into detail, I’ll just say that Damien and Shayne mix vodka, peach schnapps, orange juice, and cranberry juice in a highball glass garnished with an orange slice. If you are not old enough to drink, or are unfamiliar with this cocktail, I will wait while you look it up. If you are lazy like me and do not want to take the time to look it up, I was making a joke: the ingredients listed are those used in a Sex on the Beach cocktail. And boy, that is what they did. Ah, fine, since I gave it away, I’ll just throw in the details. This better get more likes or whatever, though. You see an explicit fic tagged anal sex and you’re all over it, aren’t you? This is unabashed fanservice at its finest. Shayne pulls away and rolls Damien to lay belly-down. The beach, and furthermore the sand on the beach, is surprisingly dry if not right by the water. That makes finding a lubricating substance quite difficult. Unless, of course, you have been using sunscreen during the day. Boom! Almost had to go in dry, but I thought of that at the last second. Of course, sunscreen, or any lotion for that matter, is not an ideal lubricant when participating in anal sex for the first time. Please use actual lube for that. For fictional purposes only, sunscreen appears in Shayne’s hand and he uses it to lube up his stiffy before squirting som -no, not yet… _applying_ some to Damien’s back door. Another fictional part of this is that Shayne is not wearing a condom, and I highly recommend using one when participating in any sexual act. Please, wrap it up. Shayne jams his forefinger into Damien’s anus causing Damien to moan loudly. Shayne drills his finger in farther (it’s all in the wrist) before pulling it out. He then grabs Damien’s right asscheek and collects all the sunscreen on Damien’s taint with his thumb. Shayne pushes the glob of lotion into Damien’s hole and uses it to thumbfuck him. By now you might be wondering how Shayne is going to get into Damien’s tight anus when Damien has never participated in sex with another man. Fret not, children, I will let you in on a little secret that probably is not true to the best of my knowledge: Damien has been pleasuring himself with dildos since Matthew Scott Montgomery blabbed about how good it feels at a party long ago. While I am not privy to the scale of Shayne’s penis, or anyone’s for that matter, I can confidently tell you he his statistically unlikely to be larger than an eight-inch dildo. I cannot comment on girth at this time. That being said, while it is probably a tight squeeze, Shayne is not entering uncharted territory. Sure, we can still say Shayne is popping Damien’s ass cherry because Damien has never accepted another person’s flesh into his bowels, but it is not quite a virgin experience either. Shayne rubs the bare head of his dick against Damien’s starfish before breaching the pucker, but just the tip. Damien cannot restrain his vocalizations; any bystanders would hear a relieved, choked-up moan as he receives his best friend’s cock for the first time. Now, I’d like to clear up something that has been bothering me for a while: the words “vice” and “vise.” Both are pronounced like “ice” with a V, but they do not mean the same thing (homophones). A “vice” is an unfavorable characteristic or a bad habit like smoking or writing dirty fan fiction. A “vise” is a tool used to hold something in place while working on it. A vise is usually bolted to a working surface and has two metal parts that squeeze together and hold whatever item is in between. This word can also be used to describe how tightly one is gripping an object: a vise grip. That means it is held very tightly. Why does this matter? Because every explicit fanfic I read with anal sex describes the anus’ tight hold on the penis as a “vice.” This is the incorrect use of this spelling. What you really mean is that the anus is like a “vise” which is gripping the penis tightly. To apply what we just learned, I will describe the grip of Damien’s asshole around Shayne’s dick as “vise-like.” Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. So, we have established that Damien has some experience with foreign objects penetrating his anus, but Shayne is still struggling to get all the way in. This prompts him to pull out in frustration before Damien yelps in surprised disappointment.

“It’s not working.” Shayne tells the back of Damien’s head through ragged breaths.

“It’s fine. Just try it again and it’ll get easier. Or just do what you can.” Damien huffs out.

“Dude, no. I’m not gonna hurt you just to get off.” Shayne now leans to attempt looking Damien in the face.

“It’s not hurting. It’s just…intense. Please, Shayne. Please just keep going. I promise it’ll be better.” Damien explains. Shayne thinks for a moment before grabbing his boner and pushing it into Damien to the same extent as before.

“You have to tell me if it’s too much, ok?” Shayne says firmly. Damien just nods in agreement because he cannot form coherent words at this time. “Holy shit,” Shayne mutters as he is finally able to slide a little further into his friend. You know how it feels to plug the USB in the port on the first try without having to flip it over? That is how satisfying it is for Shayne to finally be fucking his best friend. He cautiously thrusts his dick halfway into Damien and makes repeating jabs, slowly pushing himself in farther on every hump. Eventually, Shayne is able to grind his pelvis against Damien’s butt, and continues that motion for some time. Meanwhile, Damien doesn’t know what the fuck is happening because all he can think about is the friction and pleasure he feels throughout his body. Damien senses Shayne’s hands gripping his hips and the tickle of Shayne’s manscaped pubes. He also senses Shayne’s lips on the skin of his back, between his shoulder blades. Damien then gets an idea and holds up an arm to gently push Shayne away. Shayne, confused, backs away and pulls out.

“What?” Shayne inquires.

“I wanna see you.” Damien requests. Shayne makes a disbelieving “okay…” face but allows room for Damien to lay his back on the sand.

“Now what?” Shayne asks. “Isn’t it gonna get in there?”

“I mean, yeah, but, it’s also kind of everywhere.” Damien answers unsurely.

“So…how do you wanna do this?” Shayne questions. Damien once again gently pushes Shayne, hinting he wants Shayne to lay supine in the sand. Shayne leans back and sits up with his legs sprawled before him. Damien grabs Shayne’s shoulder for balance and maneuvers himself to straddle Shayne’s hips cowgirl style. Grabbing Shayne’s dick while still leveraging himself with Shayne’s shoulder, Damien reconnects the head of Shayne’s dick with his ass. “Fuck” is all Shayne can say as he watches his best friend ride his dick. To help Damien in his efforts a bit, Shayne clutches Damien’s hips and thrusts up slightly in time with Damien’s grinding movements. For those of you who do not know, cum is preceded by precum or pre-ejaculate. This is a “clear, colorless, viscous fluid” that is discharged from a man’s penis during intercourse. It acts as a natural lubricant and an acid neutralizer to create a happier environment for the live sperm to follow. Sperm are very fussy: they need a temperature slightly lower than body temperature, hence the testicles being located outside of the body, and a nice, neutral environment. Urine can be basic or acidic, ranging from a pH of 5.5 to 8.0, typically. Sperm get angry when urine is around, thus the neutralizing liquid discharged prior to ejaculation. Besides an impromptu A&P lesson, I am telling you about precum because it is currently being ejected in copious amounts by both parties in this rendezvous and causing a sloppy, moist sound over the noise of the waves. It is when Damien’s hips make a swirling, rocking motion that Shayne cums, breathing heavily through his nose and emitting a soft growl from his chest. The sensation of warm liquid within his bowels causes Damien to cum as well and makes him take a labored, gasping breath. Their pleasure is stuck to their minds for a moment; weighing them down with its heaviness. They look each other dead in the eyes, then, and lean in for a bruising kiss. It is after the fog has lifted that Damien realizes what just happened: he had sex with his best, male friend on a beach. Furthermore, Damien realizes he has a milky stream of semen dripping out of his ass and down his taint. It is not just anyone’s semen, either; it is Shayne Topp’s semen. Damien realizes he has microscopic pods of Shayne’s DNA inside his body that determinedly swim in vain. His internal musings are cut short when Shayne stands and helps Damien to stand as well. They pull up their trunks and awkwardly look around for a topic of discussion other than their recent activities. “It’s getting kinda cold. We should head in.” Shayne says as sweat drips down his face from exertion. The boys tread in slow silence to the beach house to retire, watching for and avoiding looky-loos the entire trip.

I must pause for a moment and describe an emotion felt by Shayne and Damien upon waking. It is like an embarrassed relief. It is awkward, but not tense. It is blushy and “aw, shucks”-y. In the morning, they separately shower and head out to the communal breakfast in the kitchen. One side-effect of having sex with your best friend on a beach is excessive obliviousness to everyone around you knowing what happened the previous night. That is why neither Shayne nor Damien notice their companions gawking and smirking at their choice to sit next to one another for breakfast. To be fair, though, the gawking and smirking is not very obvious as conversations continue around the breakfast table. Damien and Shayne’s blindness continues until Courtney Miller sits down next to Damien and speaks softly.

“You guys got in pretty late.” Courtney throws out that leading statement to prompt discussion of last night’s escapades on the beach.

“Yeah. It was so nice out and we lost track of time, I guess.” Damien provides with a small shrug. Courtney nods, suspiciously eyeing Damien.

“What made you lose track of time?”

“Um…we were…stargazing and got talking about alternate universes and cosmic theories. Like the musings of a stoned college kid in astronomy class.” Damien chuckled halfheartedly at his lame attempt at humor.

“Stargazing, huh? Sounds romantic.” Courtney whispers the latter statement.

“I mean…. maybe for a couple it would be, but it was more like…an exercise in existentialism.” Damien explains. Courtney’s not buying it, but lets the conversation end to focus on eating her scrambled eggs. That is, until Damien lifts his arms above his head to stretch, which brings his shirt up, too, revealing his bare side where there are bruises in the shape of fingertips. Courtney sees this, and she cannot help but comment.

“What happened?” Courtney points to the five small contusions on Damien’s waist. Damien, not knowing what the fuck she is talking about, follows Courtney’s finger to find the bruises of which she speaks. These are obviously bruises, and they are obviously in the shape of a hand gripping his hips tightly; almost like someone would while fucking him.

“Oh! Um…I must’ve slept on my hand or something.” Damien, buddy, you gotta try better than that.

“Really? Why are you lying about it? Is someone hurting you and I should know about it?” Courtney asks with mock concern as she already knows whose fingers put those bruises on Damien’s skin and why.

“No! I’m fine! I’m not lying. I promise no one has hurt me.” Damien looks at her with silently pleading eyes as if trying to say “don’t ask, please, don’t ask.”

“And how do you explain the hickey on Shayne’s collar bone?” Courtney asks, almost tauntingly. Hearing his name, Shayne turns to pay attention to Damien and Courtney’s conversation.

“What about Shayne’s collar bones?” Shayne asks to invite himself into their talk. Damien looks at Shayne with wide, spooked eyes while Courtney smirks.

“There’s a really big red mark there. Are you ok?” Courtney inquires with fake concern once again. Shayne, stupidly, tries to look at the junction of his clavicle and neck, but fails to see what Courtney is talking about.

“Yeah. It’s probably from playing football or something.” Shayne shrugs dismissively. Courtney suspiciously watches Shayne, conveying she knows he is lying with her squinty eyes.

“Mmhmm, I bet.” Courtney says sarcastically. Feeling trapped in the situation, Damien makes an excuse about using the restroom and leaves the kitchen. Courtney now has a direct line of sight to Shayne. She gives him one last judgmental look before, too, cleaning up her breakfast dishes and joining everyone else to start the day.


End file.
